Soooo I have to wash diapers before we leave.  I knew this, and was planning to wash them after Lilia went to bed tonight so that I'd get them all and not have a week or two old diapers sitting around.   Anyway Lilia didn't go to sleep until after midnight, and then woke up a few time in between.   I guess I'm not getting any sleep tonight because I have to wash diapers.   Normally I could just start the load and go to sleep, but in order for them to be dry before leave then I have to say up to put them in the drier before I go to bed.   So I won't be up all  night but at least until three probably.

I'm totally paranoid about breastfeeding on the plane.   I printed a copy of California and Florida state law protecting my breastfeeding rights, but I read so many stories about breastfeeding moms getting kicked off planes I am so paranoid.   That and I really don't want to make anyone uncomfortable in that small of a space.

Really, stop.  It's not okay.   I am so pissed.  My grandmother constantly ignores my requests that she not give her sugary snacks, or pour sugar on her food, but she still does it.  

Tonight Lilia was grumpy and she gave Lilia a small package of Skittles to play with.  Okay as annoying as it was, I didn't mind her playing with the bag, it seemed to be making her happy.

Then my grandmother says "Why don't you ask your mom if she'll open that for you."  

Of course Lilia was enthusiastic about this because she loves for you to open things for her.  She handed it to me and I felt terrible when I told her I couldn't open it because it was bad for her and would make her tummy hurt. I turned with it in my hand to go put it away and bring her something she could eat, and she started screaming.   I could also hear my grandparents both yelling at me and telling me to give it back to her.

I turned around to give her back the bag so that she'd stop crying while I found her something else, and my grandmother had already gotten another bag and opened it and was about to hand her one.  

It was such a blatant disregard for my parenting I flipped without even thinking about it and yelled at her "What are you doing!?  I don't want her to have that!"   She ignored me at first and was bending down to put the skittle in Lilia's mouth, and I grabbed her hand and stopped her.   

Truthfully I'm not this confrontational about it when this stuff happens, usually I say no and she does it anyway and then I go and whine in my room to Steve about how annoyed I am.   Or sometimes I'll take Lilia out of the room with me.  

My grandmother was furious with me I could see it.   I don't think she was as angry though as I was with her.   They think I'm being ridiculous. Mean while, Lilia's having an emotional break down. 

I tried to offer her an organic lollipop but she didn't want it. She's finally calmed down now because she found a gift we got her in the closet and made me open it.

Early this morning my grandmother wanted me to pour sugar in Lilia's cereal, which by the way was already sweet.  I told her I didn't want to add sugar to any of Lilia's food but she had come back with "Then good luck getting her to eat anything."   When she was a little baby and we were first starting her on solids, she wanted to add salt to all her vegetables.  She liked them without salt why on earth would I add something for her that's bad?

We're leaving in the morning early.  Getting up at 6am.  Everything is packed up.  Except my tooth brush.

I wish I had a camera. :( 

Getting stuff together to leave on Sunday.  I feel stressed.  I've had a headache for days now.

I was stressing so ridiculously much on getting everyone a gift before we left so that we could all exchange gifts on Saturday, my mother thought this was a good idea.  Well it talked to her on the phone yesterday and she changed her mind because she doesn't have all her gifts bought and doesn't want to feel rushed so she wants to wait until after we come back.   She does not want me to give my sister her gift tomorrow even though I want to do it.  it's annoying.

My breast still hurts today.  A lot.  My fever is gone though.   Phoebe was supposed to come cut my hair this weekend but she got strep throat.  

I have a recent fascination with dinosaurs.  Well I had a big fascination with them as a child, but had forgotten and suddenly with a wider understanding of evolution, I find my fascination with them has exploded again! 

Took a nap with Lilia earlier and woke up with a clogged duct. I tried cold, hot compresses and a shower, nothing helped. Lilia is refusing to nurse on that side. My temperature is reading at 100 right now. :<

Lilia ate for the first time in days tonight, you know what she ate? Vegetable spring rolls. She keeps signing more and I feel bad because we ate the whole package. She refused most of the first ones I offered (She kept asking but then would spit them out) Then when I got to the last few she started scarfing them and wanted more when they were gone.

I feel like crap tonight. I'm tired. I hope we're all better by Sunday morning.

This is breaking my heart. Last night, everytime Lilia would wake up she'd try to nurse and then after two seconds sit up and cry out in pain. Then she'd just sit there crying, totally inconsolable. I felt terrible. Luckily she slept better last night than the night before, so it wasn't as bad. We took her to the doctor again today. The doctor diagnosed Gingivostomatitis, just as I had suspected. The guy we saw yesterday was pretty incompetent and I'm determined to have a note put on her file not to make us appointments with anyone but a doctor because we always end up coming back when we see someone else. Though yeah it's true that there isn't anything they can do to treat it, it just feels better to know what it is so I can research it. We picked up some stuff at the co-op for her mouth, it seemed to cheer her up once she realized it wasn't something evil. I also got a yummy organic smoothie there and shared that with her while we were there. We also picked her up a new toothbrush. We took our books up to the college book store and got some money back for them. We used some of the money to buy Lilia some new books to take on the plane.

Sunday and Monday Lilia wasn't eating well and was randomly gagging on nothing. Monday night Lilia kept telling me she was hungry but wouldn't eat anything. She didn't sleep well that night. Woke up Tuesday with a fever, I could tell when I touched her she felt hot. When I went to nurse her though, that was the telling factor, her mouth was so hot on my breast I had no doubt she had a high fever. Later that night we finally got her temperature taken, it was 102. We couldn't find her ear thermometer, so she wouldn't really let us take it under the arm. I've just had to go by touch.

She cried all night last night and slept very poorly. I didn't sleep, neither did Steve. I called this morning and got her an appointment at the Pedatrics office we go to. I failed to specify who I wanted to see on the phone and ended up with a nurse practitioner that was extremely unhelpful. "I can't see anything clearly wrong with her, it's probably a viral infection." I found his comments condescending and when I told him we didn't want to get Lilia a flu vaccine he gave us a dirty look. I couldn't stand how he was saying "Good girl, good girl." To Lilia while we restrained her to look in her mouth. It seemed really condescending to me.

He suggested to us a ear thermometer, while I do intend to get another one I mentioned to him that I had read that they were notoriously inaccurate. His response to this was "Every doctor's office and hospital in the nation would not be using them if they were inaccurate." I had a response this in my head, but kept it to myself because I saw that arguing with this man was pointless.

They put a urine bag on her to check her urine, we waiting over two hours for her to pee and she didn't. In fact she didn't pee from 9am until almost two in the afternoon. Not like her at all. She didn't really want to nurse while we were there, I think she just wasn't comfortable in the setting because she kept pointing around the room and crying. I realized she had some blisters on her tongue. One is a blister, the other is an extremely enlarged taste bud which looks almost like a tooth growing off of her tongue. She has a tooth that just came in on the bottom, and there also appears to be a blister on her gums around where the tooth erupted, which wasn't there before. So her mouth must be hurting really bad. I don't know why he didn't see the blisters while he was looking in her mouth.

Upon further reflection I realized that I have had blisters and sore taste buds on my tongue since last week which are still healing this week.

So I looked up her symptoms and weighed the likeliness of several different viral infections and it sounds like Gingivostomatitis. I found this article (Which is actually more of a blog entry) about it very useful.
It is a viral infection which causes a fever, followed by mouth sores and lethargy. She's been really shaky really recently as well.

The last thing I wanted for this trip this weekend was for her to get sick and be miserable. I think by this weekend the worst of it will be over, but I expect that it will probably take around two weeks to heal entirely.

I've been giving her more Tylenol than I would like on the insistence of my grandmother. However upon further reflection, I realized the fever isn't that high and a fever is your body's way to fight off the illness. So it seems like maybe the fever is good? I don't know but my grandmother constantly insisting on practically overdosing her on Tylenol every couple hours is driving me crazy. I haven't given her more than two or three doses in one day, but now I'm rethinking that.